One Month...

Today it has been one month since the most difficult day of my life. It may seem confusing that the 14th isn't the day that I would feel this way because that is the day my sweet Aimee's heart stopped beating and when the world marks her departure. For me it was when I received the witness that her spirit had left her body and her brain was beyond repair by human means. That is when I knew her struggle here was finished and that our Father in Heaven had called her home. I'm grateful that He allowed her to linger a little longer so her siblings and many others could come and hold her warm hand and tenderly kiss our sweet angel's cheek before her physical body went peacefully to it's mortal rest.

The events of that day and those surrounding it keep playing through my mind. So many feelings, impressions, memories of words spoken, facial expressions, tender touches and so much more flood my memory. I feel sad, grateful, loved, carried and like my heart will break apart unless the strength of my God keeps holding it together.

In the last month I've learned that I can accept God's will without liking it. Yesterday when talking with my Bishop he reminded me that when the Savior was suffering in Gethsemane He asked the Father "... if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." (Luke 22:42) The Father wants us to surrender our will to His and I now deeply understand that the submission is the important part. He doesn't expect that we will look forward to or even enjoy the challenges we must endure to return to Him. He understands that in our limited understanding we may wish there was another way, any other way, but by turning our will to His we are able to become more like Him and like His son, our Savior.

The very next verse (Luke 22:43) reads, "And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him." I know that I have had angels bearing me up and helping me to do things I couldn't have done on my own. I feel their presence every day and am so grateful for the comfort, strength and love they provide. I recognize their spirits. I wish I could see them, but I know them. They are those I knew and loved here before they moved onto the next part of their journey. I am grateful I feel Aimee's presence so often for she is one of those comforting me. I still miss her and wish I could take her in my arms and hold her tight and caress her beautiful auburn hair. I wish I could tell her I love her and hear her reply. I know she knows of my love, but I miss her more than I can express.

~Wendee