Happy Birthday Aimee!

Today my sweet Aimee would have turned 18 years old. Tomorrow it will be 3 months since she went to heaven. Well technically Saturday it will be 3 months, but the 13th is always the hardest for me because that is when I knew her brain wouldn't recover. I remember praying late Thursday and early Friday that a miracle would happen. I knew without a doubt if it had been God's will she would have been healed. That was the first time I felt that much faith in the power of healing. I've always believed, but that time it was different somehow. I also knew I could trust in God's will and even though it ended up that she had to go ahead I knew He was aware and knows what was best. I just miss her so much!

Me at the Oquirrh Mt. Temple holding Aimee's temple card

I knew today would be a challenging day for me. To make it special we arranged to do Aimee's temple work today. When someone passes on they usually have to wait a year to have their temple work done. However, if the person was worthy and was too young to have done their own work before passing on then they don't have to wait. I was so glad we were able to do it today! I could feel her near and she was so happy and full of peace and love!

It was really hard for me to see her family name card (the card I'm holding in the photo). I've seen so many of those pink cards as I've done temple work, but to see my daughter's name and info on that card was kind of shocking. However, I could feel how excited she was to have her work done. It was so neat to be able to do it for her. I'd been feeling bad because I was thinking this was the last thing I could do for her on Earth. During the temple session I felt her spirit telling me that the last thing I can do for her is to endure to the end so we can be together as a family through the eternities. I hadn't thought of it that way and it felt good to have her share that with me.

We had so many friends and family at the temple it reminded me of how it will be when we return to our heavenly home. My Dad is a temple worker and this morning he officiated the session. My friend Roxanne Gomez (whom I visit teach) is also a temple worker and she helped me too. It was wonderful to have so many people I care about there for me and Aimee! In addition to Garrett and I being there, my Mom, my siblings and their spouses, Bishop King and Amy King, Bishop Pierce and Randee Pierce, Shane and Kristin LeBarron, Adrian Paschall, Rozanne Paxman, Tresa Haymond, my Aunt Deb and Uncle Roger Roth, and my cousin Paul and his wife Shannon Clawson were all there. I keep thinking there were others there too, but hopefully I listed everyone. It was a really neat session!

I wish I could have seen Aimee all dressed in white with her beautiful face and auburn hair. I remember how darling she was as my flower girl in her white dress outside the temple and at my wedding reception. Then a few years later she was so pretty in her white baptism dress. I hope that someday I'll be able to see her dressed in white as she is sealed to her future spouse. Who knows, maybe she's already met him. At least I know where she's at all the choices will be good ones.

I found out the heart shaped granite with the vase was installed at her spot yesterday. I had planned to have our family go to the cemetery to put flowers in the vase, but it was really rainy and cold with some snow. When the kids got home from school they didn't want to go, so my Mom picked me up and we went up together. Someone had already put some flowers there and I had bought some so I added them to make a larger bouquet.

We've had so many kind things done for us today! My cousin Jenny had a pie delivered with a beautiful note. (She is on a cruise to Mexico and couldn't come today but was here in spirit.) My Olson Aunts, Uncles and cousins sent some beautiful yellow roses in a glass vase. Our home teacher (Brother LeBarron) made a delicious cake he brought over. My friend Mary Scarborough brought me a yellow and pink Gerber daisy and some yummy bread. Many of the youth from our current ward and our ward prior to the split came over and sang happy birthday for Aimee and brought us balloons and cookies. My friend Lori Denny (who was my previous Relief Society President) and her daughter (who was one of Aimee's friends in Laurels) brought me a yellow perennial called "basket of gold". I'm sure I've forgotten something, but I feel so loved and I appreciate everything everyone has done so much!

We also had some family over tonight for dinner, dessert and visiting, and earlier today we went to Chilis for lunch and Lava cake (Aimee's favorite). It has been a really special day. I was worried, but it's turned out well. Thanks to everyone who helped us so much today!

~Wendee

Aimee's Marker

It's been awhile since I've posted. Things are still up and down for me. I sometimes feel guilty when I have good days. I think that is odd, but I try to remind myself that Aimee wouldn't want me to be miserable the rest of my life. It just feels like a betrayal to have a good day. I know that isn't true and I do combat those thoughts it's just another part of my grieving process.

Next Thursday is Aimee's birthday. She would have been 18 years old. At times I feel cheated, but I know somehow, someday God will make it all right. We are going to do Aimee's temple work on her birthday. I'm really glad we're going to do something so positive on such a difficult day. I feel sad that it is the last thing I can do for her and in some ways want to save it for later, but I feel like this is the best thing for all of us. I don't want to stall her eternal progression and I think it will be wonderful to feel her so close in the temple that day!

On Monday this week her marker was put in place. The vase still hasn't been put in because the custom heart shaped granite hasn't arrived yet. I'm hopeful that it will be in by her birthday, but the marker turned out beautiful!

On Tuesday my Mom met me at the cemetery to see her marker for the first time. It felt good to have it in place. I felt really out of sorts when the cemetery had to take down the temporary marker at 2 months. It was really hard for me to have her spot be unmarked for a couple weeks. Her cute pinwheel was still there, but it feels better to me to have her marker in place. I know she'll never be forgotten, but somehow having her spot be unmarked was disconcerting to me. I feel like I'll be more at peace when the grass and the vase are in place as well. The grass is scheduled for next week, but we'll see.

My Mom had stopped at the store and gotten flowers and balloons. As you can tell from the photo above the pinwheels were going like crazy. So after decorating her spot and my sister Angie's spot for Easter we went to lunch at a little Chinese restaurant close by. It was really yummy. Then I came home and after an hour I laid down for a nap. I slept for a couple hours. I think all the cleaning of the past week and the emotions of the day took their tole.

I worked hard in the yard yesterday and wiped myself out again. I have a really hard time pacing myself. It's hard not to over do it. Today I started cleaning and had to take a break after a bit. If you're wondering why I get so tired so easily it's because I found out last year I have fibromyalgia. I have been having a hard time coming to grips with it because I like to go go go and having to slow down is really annoying! I don't like to make excuses and I have to keep telling myself that fibromyalgia isn't an excuse. I'm still not really settled with it, but I'm taking it a day at a time as I am with so many other things.

I really enjoyed LDS General Conference this last weekend and am so grateful for all the many talks that seemed to be "just for me". I especially enjoyed President Monson's talk titled "The Race of Life". He quoted Alma 40:11-12 in the Book of Mormon:

“Now, concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life.

“And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow.”

I loved President Monson's testimony of the Savior and His resurrection. I am so grateful for Easter and the opportunity it provides us to celebrate the gift of eternal life our brother gave to us through His sacrifice! He is my hero and I am so thankful for the knowledge of His gospel! I hope everyone has a blessed Easter and can feel the love our God and Savior have for each of us!

~Wendee