Today it has been one month since the most difficult day of my life. It may seem confusing that the 14th isn't the day that I would feel this way because that is the day my sweet Aimee's heart stopped beating and when the world marks her departure. For me it was when I received the witness that her spirit had left her body and her brain was beyond repair by human means. That is when I knew her struggle here was finished and that our Father in Heaven had called her home. I'm grateful that He allowed her to linger a little longer so her siblings and many others could come and hold her warm hand and tenderly kiss our sweet angel's cheek before her physical body went peacefully to it's mortal rest.
The events of that day and those surrounding it keep playing through my mind. So many feelings, impressions, memories of words spoken, facial expressions, tender touches and so much more flood my memory. I feel sad, grateful, loved, carried and like my heart will break apart unless the strength of my God keeps holding it together.
In the last month I've learned that I can accept God's will without liking it. Yesterday when talking with my Bishop he reminded me that when the Savior was suffering in Gethsemane He asked the Father "... if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." (Luke 22:42) The Father wants us to surrender our will to His and I now deeply understand that the submission is the important part. He doesn't expect that we will look forward to or even enjoy the challenges we must endure to return to Him. He understands that in our limited understanding we may wish there was another way, any other way, but by turning our will to His we are able to become more like Him and like His son, our Savior.
The very next verse (Luke 22:43) reads, "And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him." I know that I have had angels bearing me up and helping me to do things I couldn't have done on my own. I feel their presence every day and am so grateful for the comfort, strength and love they provide. I recognize their spirits. I wish I could see them, but I know them. They are those I knew and loved here before they moved onto the next part of their journey. I am grateful I feel Aimee's presence so often for she is one of those comforting me. I still miss her and wish I could take her in my arms and hold her tight and caress her beautiful auburn hair. I wish I could tell her I love her and hear her reply. I know she knows of my love, but I miss her more than I can express.
~Wendee
The events of that day and those surrounding it keep playing through my mind. So many feelings, impressions, memories of words spoken, facial expressions, tender touches and so much more flood my memory. I feel sad, grateful, loved, carried and like my heart will break apart unless the strength of my God keeps holding it together.
In the last month I've learned that I can accept God's will without liking it. Yesterday when talking with my Bishop he reminded me that when the Savior was suffering in Gethsemane He asked the Father "... if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." (Luke 22:42) The Father wants us to surrender our will to His and I now deeply understand that the submission is the important part. He doesn't expect that we will look forward to or even enjoy the challenges we must endure to return to Him. He understands that in our limited understanding we may wish there was another way, any other way, but by turning our will to His we are able to become more like Him and like His son, our Savior.
The very next verse (Luke 22:43) reads, "And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him." I know that I have had angels bearing me up and helping me to do things I couldn't have done on my own. I feel their presence every day and am so grateful for the comfort, strength and love they provide. I recognize their spirits. I wish I could see them, but I know them. They are those I knew and loved here before they moved onto the next part of their journey. I am grateful I feel Aimee's presence so often for she is one of those comforting me. I still miss her and wish I could take her in my arms and hold her tight and caress her beautiful auburn hair. I wish I could tell her I love her and hear her reply. I know she knows of my love, but I miss her more than I can express.
~Wendee
I can't believe it has been a month, I am just imagining all the work she has gotten done and all the pranks her and Angee have pulled! I miss her everyday and also know our loved ones keep a very close eye on us always. She loves you and will help you here on earth till you can give her the biggest hug on the other side! What a reunion that will be! Love ya :)
ReplyDeleteYour family is still in my prayers sweet Wendee. How reassurring it is to know that your family is forever and that this life is but a blip on the radar of eternity. HuGs!
ReplyDeleteBecca and Boys
I have a feeling that if you tell her how much you love her still and talk to her, she will hear you even though she cannot reply as she once did. I know that this has helped me at times in the past.
ReplyDeleteYou are always in my prayers, Wendee. ((((HUGS))))
I feel that way too! :)
DeleteI miss her too.
ReplyDeleteI so love your comment, that it is o.k. to accept his will. But not like it. That is such a hard place to get to. And when you get there, it seems o.k. but annoying. I have such tender feeling towards you my older cousin. (not by much) I was sharing an experience with my husband a few days ago. Being in your room, coloring something. You were my hero. Older, so cool, absolutely beautiful. I always wanted to be popular like you. You said, "Never scene a flower colored like that, but it sure is pretty." Funny how we remember things like that. But it made me feel pretty cool, from someone who I admired so much. I still do, your words are very inspirational to me. I feel so blessed to be your cousin. I am so sorry Aimee left you. I can hear her little voice at a Bingham Family Christmas party singing songs from the Polar Express. Wonderful memory... That curly hair, and infection smile. Love you tons... Praying for you daily.
ReplyDeleteThanks Michelle! I admire you a lot too! You're a sweetheart!
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