Life is a Journey...

I thought that as time went on it would get easier and I wouldn't hurt so much, but honestly it's getting harder. It seems wrong to me that life can just go on as usual without Aimee here. I'm finding joy here and there, but it is all mixed in with sorrow. It's odd to me that such opposite emotions can coexist. I want to remember the happy times with Aimee and not focus so much on the absence, but that doesn't always work so well. Today I was looking at old videos and decided to edit one and post it here. Last year at Herriman High Aimee was in the Theater Showcase. She was so excited and chose to sing "I Know it's Today" from Shrek the Musical. Jann Boyer , Aimee's voice teacher, helped her pick out the song. We had fun going to Hale Theater's costume rental site and picking out the dress she wore. She also had some last minute rehearsals with Jann that she loved! Aimee did an amazing job performing this song! She has such a beautiful vo...

I've been struggling lately, but I guess that isn't anything new. Sometimes I feel like I'm hanging onto small branches growing out of a muddy slope and I'm barely keeping from slipping into a deep dark hole. I feel guilty for struggling because of all the love and support I receive from everyone, especially my Savior. I know that there are angels bearing me up and I have been so blessed by family and friends that I sometimes think I "should" be handling this better. I've been told not to "should" on myself and I try not to. I recognize that I am doing the best I can and it is normal to suffer when enduring this kind of a trial. At times it's just really hard to know how to deal with all these varied emotions. I am trying to give my self some slack and not expect perfection, but it has always been my nature to seek perfection. Sometimes my heart aches so badly I feel that the only thing keeping it from literally breaking into pieces is the ...

Today the kids were talking about being "pruney" after being in the bathtub and Toria mentioned how Garrett calls her "Prunella" when she gets that way. I asked if she knew where that started and she said no. When Aimee was little we were reading some of the Author books and there was a character named Prunella in them. One day when she got out of the bath she commented on how wrinkly her hands and feet were. I told her she looked pruney and then I called her Prunella. She didn't love that character but we thought it was funny so the nickname resurfaced whenever she had pruney skin and continued on with the other kids. Today we decided that Aaron could be Prunello when he's pruney. I've been thinking about how important memories are. That is why I'm trying to post memories of Aimee each week. My cousin gave me a pretty glass decoration with this quote on it: "When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure." That...

I started coughing last Friday and over the weekend it turned into bronchitis. I'd had some sinus stuff bugging me for a couple weeks so I guess it finally turned into something. I'm on an antibiotic and I'm hoping that will help it go away quickly, but I'm also trying to rest as well. That is other than today because I went to lunch with my Scrap Girls friends at the Cheesecake Factory. I love that place! I had my favorite Thai Lettuce Wraps and a raspberry swirl cheesecake with a chocolate cookie crust. Mmmmm! Then I went shopping with one of my friends and found a new yellow shirt. Fun! Then I came home and promptly fell into bed and slept for 2.5 hours. I feel better now, but I know I over did it. My sweet hubby fixed breakfast for dinner and got the kids to do their homework. I have the best husband in the world! I've been missing Aimee lots and lots! We went to the cemetery Monday and decorated her spot for St. Patrick's day. I had hoped to take the ki...

When Aimee was very small I loved reading to her. Some of her favorite books were the Dr. Seuss books. She had me read them to her so many times that even as a teen she and I would giggle and repeat the words of different parts when we'd hear something that sounded like part of one of them. Aimee loved One Fish Two Fish, Hop on Pop and Fox in Socks! I loved reading the bit in the Fox in Socks about the tweedle beetles. "When tweedle beetles battle it's a tweedle beetle battle..." So many fun memories reading to the kids! We also loved the Dr. Seuss ABC book. I loved the part about "Aunt Annie's alligator" and Aimee and I would always giggle and talk about how we didn't think that Aunt Annie (ours, my sweet Nettie) would ride an alligator. I also loved the "Zans" part and how it opened cans. I told all of my kids when I'd read that part that I didn't think I'd like having one of those in my house. lol When she was about 2 y...

I finally copied the pictures from Aimee's camera to my computer. She was enrolled in a photography class while we were on our vacation to California in October, and she was trying to get some good ocean and beach photos. We only made it to the beach two times and the last day it was really cold and rainy. The first day it was just really cold. The photo below is of the last day. Aimee and I took a walk down the beach while Garrett and the kids played in the water. Burrr! She was trying to get a good picture of the waves crashing on the rock in the photo above. When she finally got the spray she was looking for she jumped up and down and ran to show me the picture on the viewer on her camera. This is the photo she was so pleased with. I think she did a good job! I really miss how excited she'd get and how she'd include me and want to show me her latest discovery or accomplishment. Her enthusiasm was contagious and her smile and spontaneity made life so fun! I really m...