Some days are much harder than others and some are easier

It's been nearly two weeks since I've posted. I have been avoiding posting because I've been struggling and missing Aimee so much lately. We've been blessed with so much kindness from family and friends. We have such a great ward family and they've been so supportive!

Before Valentine's day one of the groups of Achievement day girls "hearted" our door and left some cupcakes, rang the doorbell and ran. It was so sweet and cute! (The pink and red hearts on the door were from the Achievement Day girls.)

Then on Valentine's day my sister Katie had watched our kids while Garrett and I went on a date and we came home to more hearts from the young women. Earlier that day a sister in our ward dropped off a sweet note for me with a bag of cinnamon bears. I love cinnamon bears! Also Aimee's two friends "the Kelsies" dropped a Valentine by for me. It was a cocoa mug with a teddy bear in it with treats. It was so sweet of them!

With all this kindness and so much more I feel guilty that I get so easily depressed by our loss of Aimee. I've been trying not to post "downer comments" on facebook. I've realized that this is my reality right now and people who want to be supportive can't support and encourage when they don't know what I'm feeling. I have been talking lots to my family and some friends, but it's just been a really hard few weeks. I probably will still try to put a mix of sad and other thoughts especially on FB just because I don't want to be exhausting.

Some times are easier than others and it seems that when I'm really striving to trust in the Lord and not lean unto my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5) I do much better. Prayer, reading conference talks and temple attendance really help me feel the greatest peace.

I read this quote on LDS.org today, "Communication with our Father in Heaven—including our prayers to Him and His inspiration to us—is necessary in order for us to weather the storms and trials of life." ~President Thomas S. Monson. I've found that to be so true in my life!

During the daily reminders of Aimee's absence I sometimes take my eyes off the Lord and I begin to slide down the slippery slope of despair and then I dig in and regain my footing through returning my focus to trusting in my God.

It's just so easy to focus on the reality that I probably won't see my daughter until years from now. Last night when we were downstairs watching the movie "Rio" I took a bathroom break. When I was in the downstairs bathroom, which was previously Aimee's, I noticed her face wash, shampoo, conditioner and razer in the same place she'd left them and realized that she may have been the last one to touch them. It brought tears to my eyes and I opened her conditioner just to smell a reminder of her. I miss her so much it hurts!

Every day I wear a ring I bought the day after Valentine's day. I was going to buy it for Aimee for Christmas, but she kept talking me into buying her this and that until I couldn't get the ring for her too. I had decided to get it for her for Valentine's day, but that didn't work out. So when I went into Kohl's on the 15th I was planning on going directly to get what I went in for (yeah right). As soon as I saw the jewelry counter I heard the thought "you should go look and see if they have that ring". I thought to myself, "I'll just look and see". They had one left and it fit me and I couldn't believe that because of the sale and my 30% off coupon I got a $60 ring for about $13. The inside has these words engraved, "Mother Daughter Friends". I started to cry when I saw it and I've been wearing it every day since.

There are so many tender mercies that I notice each day and I am grateful for my loving Father in Heaven who is aware of me and sends angels to bear me up.

~Wendee