Life is a Journey...

My car got smashed up yesterday. Garrett took it to a cub scout meeting yesterday morning before church and parked on the road in front of a house in our neighborhood. When the meeting was nearly done one of our neighbors from a few blocks away came to the door and asked who was driving the gray Toyota, Camry. When Garrett got home I asked how the meeting went and he said fine and then he turned back and told me that the car got a bit scratched up. He told me what happened and I went on doing what I was doing. When I went out to go to church and saw the damage I my jaw dropped. Calling it a little scratched up is like calling a tornado a little wind storm. Here is a photo. He did say that the rear view mirror was torn off, but the huge dents and the fact that the hub cap was destroyed was something he left out. The bumper and driver's side front door will have to be replaced. The back driver's side door may have to be replaced. Three of the four wheels are bent so they...

I'm not sure where to start. I still feel like I'm on a roller coaster, but the lows are less dramatic. I'm not sure there were real roller coaster like highs at all the last few months. However, I have been able to find happiness in life doing the things I enjoy. I still have my moments. Sometimes I break down and sob for 5 minutes. Then I get up and get back to focusing on the good things in life. I really miss my sweet Aimee girl! I miss her bubbly, creative, spontaneity. I miss her beautiful auburn hair and pretty, smiling face. I miss hearing her sing almost all day long. I do still feel her, but the ache in my chest seems to just be part of my life now. An ever present feeling that something is missing, or rather someone is missing. Ok, enough of that. It's making me feel like crying. I've really been enjoying the weather lately. I love to work in the yard. Last week just below my right ankle started hurting badly and I had the chiropractor look at it and ...

Today my sweet Aimee would have turned 18 years old. Tomorrow it will be 3 months since she went to heaven. Well technically Saturday it will be 3 months, but the 13th is always the hardest for me because that is when I knew her brain wouldn't recover. I remember praying late Thursday and early Friday that a miracle would happen. I knew without a doubt if it had been God's will she would have been healed. That was the first time I felt that much faith in the power of healing. I've always believed, but that time it was different somehow. I also knew I could trust in God's will and even though it ended up that she had to go ahead I knew He was aware and knows what was best. I just miss her so much! Me at the Oquirrh Mt. Temple holding Aimee's temple card I knew today would be a challenging day for me. To make it special we arranged to do Aimee's temple work today. When someone passes on they usually have to wait a year to have their temple work done. However,...

It's been awhile since I've posted. Things are still up and down for me. I sometimes feel guilty when I have good days. I think that is odd, but I try to remind myself that Aimee wouldn't want me to be miserable the rest of my life. It just feels like a betrayal to have a good day. I know that isn't true and I do combat those thoughts it's just another part of my grieving process. Next Thursday is Aimee's birthday. She would have been 18 years old. At times I feel cheated, but I know somehow, someday God will make it all right. We are going to do Aimee's temple work on her birthday. I'm really glad we're going to do something so positive on such a difficult day. I feel sad that it is the last thing I can do for her and in some ways want to save it for later, but I feel like this is the best thing for all of us. I don't want to stall her eternal progression and I think it will be wonderful to feel her so close in the temple that day! On Monday...

I thought that as time went on it would get easier and I wouldn't hurt so much, but honestly it's getting harder. It seems wrong to me that life can just go on as usual without Aimee here. I'm finding joy here and there, but it is all mixed in with sorrow. It's odd to me that such opposite emotions can coexist. I want to remember the happy times with Aimee and not focus so much on the absence, but that doesn't always work so well. Today I was looking at old videos and decided to edit one and post it here. Last year at Herriman High Aimee was in the Theater Showcase. She was so excited and chose to sing "I Know it's Today" from Shrek the Musical. Jann Boyer , Aimee's voice teacher, helped her pick out the song. We had fun going to Hale Theater's costume rental site and picking out the dress she wore. She also had some last minute rehearsals with Jann that she loved! Aimee did an amazing job performing this song! She has such a beautiful vo...

I've been struggling lately, but I guess that isn't anything new. Sometimes I feel like I'm hanging onto small branches growing out of a muddy slope and I'm barely keeping from slipping into a deep dark hole. I feel guilty for struggling because of all the love and support I receive from everyone, especially my Savior. I know that there are angels bearing me up and I have been so blessed by family and friends that I sometimes think I "should" be handling this better. I've been told not to "should" on myself and I try not to. I recognize that I am doing the best I can and it is normal to suffer when enduring this kind of a trial. At times it's just really hard to know how to deal with all these varied emotions. I am trying to give my self some slack and not expect perfection, but it has always been my nature to seek perfection. Sometimes my heart aches so badly I feel that the only thing keeping it from literally breaking into pieces is the ...

Today the kids were talking about being "pruney" after being in the bathtub and Toria mentioned how Garrett calls her "Prunella" when she gets that way. I asked if she knew where that started and she said no. When Aimee was little we were reading some of the Author books and there was a character named Prunella in them. One day when she got out of the bath she commented on how wrinkly her hands and feet were. I told her she looked pruney and then I called her Prunella. She didn't love that character but we thought it was funny so the nickname resurfaced whenever she had pruney skin and continued on with the other kids. Today we decided that Aaron could be Prunello when he's pruney. I've been thinking about how important memories are. That is why I'm trying to post memories of Aimee each week. My cousin gave me a pretty glass decoration with this quote on it: "When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure." That...