Aimee's Marker

It's been awhile since I've posted. Things are still up and down for me. I sometimes feel guilty when I have good days. I think that is odd, but I try to remind myself that Aimee wouldn't want me to be miserable the rest of my life. It just feels like a betrayal to have a good day. I know that isn't true and I do combat those thoughts it's just another part of my grieving process.

Next Thursday is Aimee's birthday. She would have been 18 years old. At times I feel cheated, but I know somehow, someday God will make it all right. We are going to do Aimee's temple work on her birthday. I'm really glad we're going to do something so positive on such a difficult day. I feel sad that it is the last thing I can do for her and in some ways want to save it for later, but I feel like this is the best thing for all of us. I don't want to stall her eternal progression and I think it will be wonderful to feel her so close in the temple that day!

On Monday this week her marker was put in place. The vase still hasn't been put in because the custom heart shaped granite hasn't arrived yet. I'm hopeful that it will be in by her birthday, but the marker turned out beautiful!

On Tuesday my Mom met me at the cemetery to see her marker for the first time. It felt good to have it in place. I felt really out of sorts when the cemetery had to take down the temporary marker at 2 months. It was really hard for me to have her spot be unmarked for a couple weeks. Her cute pinwheel was still there, but it feels better to me to have her marker in place. I know she'll never be forgotten, but somehow having her spot be unmarked was disconcerting to me. I feel like I'll be more at peace when the grass and the vase are in place as well. The grass is scheduled for next week, but we'll see.

My Mom had stopped at the store and gotten flowers and balloons. As you can tell from the photo above the pinwheels were going like crazy. So after decorating her spot and my sister Angie's spot for Easter we went to lunch at a little Chinese restaurant close by. It was really yummy. Then I came home and after an hour I laid down for a nap. I slept for a couple hours. I think all the cleaning of the past week and the emotions of the day took their tole.

I worked hard in the yard yesterday and wiped myself out again. I have a really hard time pacing myself. It's hard not to over do it. Today I started cleaning and had to take a break after a bit. If you're wondering why I get so tired so easily it's because I found out last year I have fibromyalgia. I have been having a hard time coming to grips with it because I like to go go go and having to slow down is really annoying! I don't like to make excuses and I have to keep telling myself that fibromyalgia isn't an excuse. I'm still not really settled with it, but I'm taking it a day at a time as I am with so many other things.

I really enjoyed LDS General Conference this last weekend and am so grateful for all the many talks that seemed to be "just for me". I especially enjoyed President Monson's talk titled "The Race of Life". He quoted Alma 40:11-12 in the Book of Mormon:

“Now, concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life.

“And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow.”

I loved President Monson's testimony of the Savior and His resurrection. I am so grateful for Easter and the opportunity it provides us to celebrate the gift of eternal life our brother gave to us through His sacrifice! He is my hero and I am so thankful for the knowledge of His gospel! I hope everyone has a blessed Easter and can feel the love our God and Savior have for each of us!

~Wendee