Then I came home and promptly fell into bed and slept for 2.5 hours. I feel better now, but I know I over did it. My sweet hubby fixed breakfast for dinner and got the kids to do their homework. I have the best husband in the world!
I've been missing Aimee lots and lots! We went to the cemetery Monday and decorated her spot for St. Patrick's day. I had hoped to take the kids Saturday and build a snowman, but we didn't get there. We ended up taking the kids to dinner and to see the Lorax. Aimee had really wanted to see that movie so I thought of her a lot as we were going through the night. It was a cute movie!
Once we got the decorations up Victoria was really excited to be in the picture, but Aaron had already headed to the car. He can only handle about 10 minutes at the cemetery right now then he goes and plays his DSI. I think partly it's the cold, but I think he hurts and wants to numb the pain by distracting himself. There are also tissues in the car so he can have a minute to himself if he needs it.
The ground at Aimee's spot is sand right now because it's been too frozen to put sod down. They'll get it covered with grass in about a month. I'm hoping that they can get the grass all done before or at the same time her marker is put in which should be in about a month.
I miss her so much! I just ache for wishing to squeeze her tight and look in her eyes and talk to her. I miss her singing throughout the day. I'm grateful for the feelings of peace I get from the Savior! That is how I make it through day by day. Sometimes I just can't believe she's gone. It was so fast that at times it seems like it hasn't sunk in. I think she'll be back tomorrow or wonder about something coming up and then realize that she's on the other side of the veil now. Frequently it just doesn't seem real.
When I hurt the most I cry, pray, read conference talks and find a distraction when I can't bear it anymore. I've been reading a lot so my house is a mess, but I'm doing the basics, and Garrett is helping out lots with all of that. Aimee wanted me to read the Goose Girl series and I think I started reading them just before the funeral. I'm on the last book we have here "Forest Born". I hope there is another after this because I love the series!
I'm trying to find happiness by spending time with my husband and kids that are still here, but sometimes it's really hard because I feel Aimee's absence so strongly. I feel her presence daily and I am grateful for that. I just wish I could see her and talk to her and touch and hear her too. I enjoy being with my family, I just feel incomplete. I try to find joy in the little things and keep doing things I enjoy. I just feel a constant ache and longing for my sweet girl!
~Wendee
Wendee- So sorry for all you have gone through the past few months. I heard about Aimee but had not read your blog updates until now. I know it is a completely different situation, but I just wanted you to know your comments about grief have been just what I needed to hear. We just lost a baby at 16 weeks and while I don't have any memories with my baby, I have still grieved over the loss. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and quotes from apostles. I am so glad you have had her watching over you and hope you will continue to be comforted as the loss of her in your daily physical life brings aches. Sorry, my thoughts are somewhat jumbled, but just wanted you to know we are thinking about you and appreciate your posts you have shared. Lots of love, Lorraine
ReplyDeleteLorraine, thank you so much for your comments! It's good to know that something I've written can help someone else. I'm so sorry for your loss too! Every loss is important, and the loss of a child is very significant. I've felt the pain of loosing an unborn child and know how heartbreaking that is. I will add you to my prayers. (((((hugs)))))
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